proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
