And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
