Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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