she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
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