that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
