she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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