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i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
