So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
