It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
