im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
