Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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