i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
People with herpes should wear stickers.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
