Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
