just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
