Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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