Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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