After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
