I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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