Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
