So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Randomize
