I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
