I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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