Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
