I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
