I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize