Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
