just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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