my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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