is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
