I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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