I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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