1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
