i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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