Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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