new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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