So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
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I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
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You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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