my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
