i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
