Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
