Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
