so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
