I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
