Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
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I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
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Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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