Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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