ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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