I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
