If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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