how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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