he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My dick has a subreddit
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
