WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
