Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
someone owes me an orgasm
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
