I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He felt like a one man threesome
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Randomize
