I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Randomize
