Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I could make wine with my vomit
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
