oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I think I won the penis lottery.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i think i have two assholes
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
