So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
