When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
