I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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