Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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