PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
