That's when you crack a 10am beer
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
