i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
