some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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