shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
