I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
