I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
